A moment to complain, if I might.

It's so cliche for foreigners to complain about life in China. In fact, a whole website has been set up for this very purpose.

When I first arrived, I had my fair share of gripes: the spitting, the pollution, the failure to grasp the efficiency of forming a queue; but now I just feel lucky to be here and have accepted these as parts of the essential Chinese experience.

But there's one thing I simply won't accept: the banking system.

On Saturday, I had the misfortune of misplacing (read: carelessly losing) my Merchant's Bank card. I assume it was Saturday, because that's the last time I used it -- around 11:30am, to be exact. I withdrew RMB 500. I went and dropped off my dry cleaning and paid for that, then checked out the new Cafe St. Laurent at Alfa, which was fantastic (and swallowed up much of that withdrawal).

It wasn't until the next day, when a friend asked me to go for a beer, that I realized my bank card was missing. The general dread and fear washed over me, with questions rushing through my head: Did I lose it? Did I forget it at home? Is it in my other pants? Did somebody steal it? I haven't changed my work-issued PIN number yet, which is 666666, so has someone guessed it and stolen my life savings?

I skipped the beer and headed home to frantically search for the card, to no avail. My girlfriend called Merchant's Bank and explained the situation. They said they would cancel the card and freeze the funds, and confirmed no other withdrawals had been made since Saturday. Whew.

Fast forward to today, Monday afternoon, when I head into the bank to make an actual withdrawal. I'm down to my last 30 kuai, so me and a Chinese colleague walked to Merchant's bank with my passport in hand. We sat down and were told to present my identification to certify the freezing of funds. I showed my passport and filled out paperwork and everything was great. Then I asked to withdraw 1000 RMB. "No can do," the woman said (to the best of my memory, which is a little fuzzy). You see, they had verified my identity enough to freeze the funds, but not enough to actually give me any of my money. So, I was told, my funds would be frozen for a week, and I could visit the bank next Monday for my new card and any cash I might need.

A week without access to my primary Chinese bank obviously doesn't sit well. But then I got the real kick in the groin. They want 10 kuai to process the transaction. Not a big deal, right? Well, I had 30 kuai on me at the time, and didn't want to part with 1/3 of my current cash flow. Take it out of my account, I told them. "No can do," she seemed to say again. They need 10 kuai -- now -- from me.

At that point, I almost began to laugh. Here is the bank, with all my money in there, and they refuse to give it to me. Then they ask me for some money. I'd give them money, if they'd give me my money first. Make sense? Well, not to Merchant's Bank. And they didn't find it funny, either.

I am not a Eurocentrist, and I understand that things are different in China. But surely there is a more efficient way of handling this situation. If you lose a bank card in Canada or the United States, you pop into a branch, and they'll give you a new one in five minutes. Here, it takes a week, and they can't even deduct cash to pay the service charge to get you a new card! If only somebody could understand how absurd this all is.

Anyway, I'll be broke for the next week. Which, I guess, means I can't afford to go to Hooters.