Life in China is never dull

I've never seriously considered writing memoirs. First of all, I'm only 28. But besides that, I've never been a president or prime minister, led a revolution or covered world events that helped define our time.

Yet, sometimes I figure I'd better at least write this stuff down because someday I might look back on it in disbelief.

"This is definitely for the memoirs," my friend James mentioned, as we walked out of a movie studio recently.

We were in a heavily secured military institution in western Beijing, where the People's Liberation Army propaganda films are shot. The stern-faced guards at the gate forbid pedestrians entry, so we had to meet our producers elsewhere to be escorted by SUV into the premises. As foreigners, we definitely weren't allowed to take a leisurely stroll around the grounds.

We were both recruited as voice-over talents for a film to mark former premier Zhou Enlai's 110th birthday.

Zhou was the suave diplomat who worked under Mao Zedong and helped pave the way for Richard Nixon's historic visit in 1972. When Zhou died in 1976, thousands of Chinese flooded the streets to mourn, leading to a violent government crackdown.

The film, which will air March 1 on the state-run broadcaster's flagship national news network, features James, my close friend from Canada, and me serving as voice-dubbing artists for nearly all the roles, giving the film a hokey quality at best.

James dubbed over a Spanish actor in English in a Chinese movie, while, for unknown reasons, I dubbed over an actor already speaking English (in addition to being the voice of Zhou himself).

To further defy logic, the movie will air on a Chinese-language television channel.

This isn't the only television work we've been up to lately. As a reporter who spent several years in the trenches in Vancouver, I've learned that even that modest experience brings unearned credibility when TV channels are seeking talent in China. I've recently stumbled into what some consider the holy grail of television jobs -- host of a travel show.

It all began simply: A channel in Tianjin, about 100 kilometres southeast of Beijing, was seeking a host for a show called BizTraveler. It's patterned after Business Traveler, hosted by the either-love-him-or-hate-him Richard Quest on CNN's International channel

The first couple of episodes were on run-of-the-mill stuff, like how to behave at Chinese banquets; how to design your booth at a trade fair; and even how to sing at Chinese karaoke (this particular scene is why the lone DVD copy of this episode remains under lock and key).

But then the producers of the program wanted to get a little fancy. Or, should I say, wacky. So off we went to Hainan Island for a bit of fun in the sun, to show how business people can unwind in style.

I first heard of Hainan Island in my second week in Beijing, when I still lived in a government compound in the far northwestern corner of the city. I was having dinner with a colleague when he told me he wanted to work there.

"Where's that?" I asked.

"It's the Hawaii of China, man," he said. "Down in the far south. A small tropical island."

Consider me thrilled when I learned we'd shoot an episode over four days on the island's southern city of Sanya. Sanya is the heart of Hainan's tourism industry and is going through a building and tourism boom. The Hilton Hotel anchors a string of luxury properties along picturesque Yalong Bay, with its white powdery sand, crystal-clear waters and unpolluted skies. The beach compares with anything that Mexico or Hawaii offers and accommodation, food and entertainment expenses are only a fraction of the cost.

Two other popular beaches, designed for the proletariat, more closely resemble Waikiki. But even those beaches are pristine and the water warm. The island is a popular vacation destination for Russians, who nearly equalled the Chinese on the beaches and at the coffee plantation, hot springs resort and botanical gardens that I visited. And, for the record, Hainan-grown coffee is no Tim Hortons, but it can certainly hold its own.

For the thrill of Chinese viewers, I went diving for the first time (I did not badly), sped around the island on a Sea-Doo (fun, but I got a nasty sunburn), and had my feet eaten by tiny fish.

Yes, you read that correctly.

While at the Nantian Hot Springs, I sampled the "fish therapy" pool, filled with hundreds of one- to two-centimetre-long fish that eat dead skin cells and replace them with a fluid that is apparently good for your skin.

The end result, though, was seeing my two clumsy feet fill the big screen, while being munched on by dozens of small fish.

One for the memoirs, for sure.

This article was originally published in the Victoria Times Colonist on January 27, 2008.