Next up on the Wheel of Protest... Australia!!!
Well, the Olympic torch has now made its triumphant arrival in the Australian capital of Canberra ahead of tomorrow's Auzzie leg. So it got me thinking about what the 'patriotic' Chinese out there are going to protest against here in China if s*#t hits the fan in Australia. Where to focus that anger... hmmm... Well, let's take a look at some of the options available for our enthusiastic patriots:
Well, let's look at it from the business angle first. China is really keen on importing a lot of Australian uranium. 
So, I guess the protesters could rally around missile silos or nuclear power plants. Or maybe... here's a thought... they can boycott nuclear generated electricity! Oh, but wait... no one really knows whether their power comes from a coal-fired power plant or a nuclear one. So I guess, unless they want to do a candle-light protest (which would sort of take away from the drama of it all, and make it more like a love-in) the whole idea of protesting uranium is kind of out. DOUGH! Oh well... moving on...
Alright, where to next? Well, let's examine what kind of products Australia is famous for on a consumer level. Hmmm... Well, I guess there's Foster's Beer. That's Australian. But come to think of it... I don't think I've ever actually seen a can or bottle of it here in China. Ok then... how about Vegemite, the beloved yeast-based spread that many an Auzzie has grown up on! That'd get'em... except for one small problem... I'm sure the Chinese are much like the rest of the world when it comes to the fact that they'd rather spread the stuff that hit the fan on their crackers rather than Vegemite. So I don't think an anti-Vegemite campaign is going to break Australia's back.
OK... got it... how about Australian film stars! Ya! That'd work... I mean nothing would slap Australia back in the face harder than boycotting the latest Mel Gibson movie! Tsss... oh... forgot. He's only doing religious movies these days it seems... and those don't make it onto the screens here in China. Oh well. Oh...Oh...Oh... got it! 
Australian actress Nicole Kidman! Ummm... except she hasn't done a heck of a lot recently. So maybe her New Zealand-born country music-singing husband Keith Urban. I mean, Australia... New Zealand, pretty much the same thing, right??? But come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen a country music CD here in China. They must be buried behind the Best of Yanni albums that are littering the racks here in the Middle Kingdom.
Ok, ok...we're kind of running out of options here me thinks. Wait...hang on... think I've got something here... ummm.... YES! Here's the nail in the coffin and the ultimate revenge here in China should these nasty ol' protesters mess with China's flame: A boycott on kangaroo and koala-based flare hanging off cell phones!!! Ureeka!!! The straw that breaks the camel's back!!
All kidding around aside, I actually do hope the Australian leg of the Torch relay does go off smoothly. I mean... I think we all need a break for a little while before the damn thing hits Japan, don't we!
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They should boycott Australian iron, copper and coal and uranium.
If they plug their fingers into the power socket, they should be able to feel whether the electicity was made with Australian coal or uranium passing through wires made with Australian copper. If they start feeling thirsty for Australian beer, the electricity is guilty.
Spot on, Paul, I love it! I even agree with you about Vegemite. But it is "Aussie" (not ZZ). Or the Land of Oz, if you want to be fancy.
And I have no fear they'll boycott coal, iron, copper or uranium, though they seem to be a tad unhappy about having to pay a market price for it.
As for the fun in Canberra tomorrow (today?), we shall see: I would appreciate a bit of excitement, but in a civilised way. Just to show that good manners and 5000 years of civilisation are two separate things.
Fosters is as Australian as the "Outback Steak House".
I was at the relay today and it was an unedifying display of nationalism. The Chinese sure had a good time but it felt odd to see my normally dull capital transformed into Peking 1966. Do the Chinese not realise what impression they give to others with all those red flags?
It would have been diplomatic for at least a few of them to have waved Australian or Olympic flags. They forget that Australia hosted its own torch relay just a few years ago and we have pleasant memories of welcoming people from far and wide. The verdict in this office of sport-mad Aussies was that the Chinese are a little too self-obsessed.
I would not say self-obsessed, more like full of it! So far I have seen only glimpses of the action on TV news services, etc., but my first impression was that
a) AFP cops were in charge, not the "torch protectors" (some got unceremoniously shoved aside when they got in the way), and the seven people who got arrested were treated with no favour as to their allegiances
b) There were few reports of bystanders, who "dared" to carry symbols such as Tibetan flag, being bullied by pro-China demonstrators (and an AFP cop telling to one of those bystanders "We know what's going on...")
c) The numbers of pro-China demonstrators were swollen by an "organised action" by parties unknown. Heh, that's why so many Chinese flags - the "organisers" did not budget for Aussie or Olympic ones, when planning their patriotic junket.
I am afraid I must agree with Mick: These uncivilised boors lost another piece of their "face" her in Oz.
I noticed last night on "The Australian" website that the aggression of the pro-China camp made the headline for a brief period.
Looking at the relatively smooth Torch Relay in Australia, I would think that Australia (both government and populace) is trying to behave 'well' like any non-interfering Asian countries. Actually they need not be such a good boy scout, they have got FOOD, agriculture =POWER in future.
FOr anyone who is interested, this is what "the Australian" had to say about the atmosphere in Canberra.
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23595686-5013404,00.html
Sounds pretty tense.