Recently in Rants Category

By Hugh Jorgen

I just returned from a short trip to Guangzhou and Shenzhen. The trip down there was routine a flight out of the Capital Airport. The return home, however, was not nearly so straight forward. For starters, my friend and I would be landing at Beijing's south airport. Nan Yuan is located just south of 4th ring road, in some farmer's field I believe. Secondly, we didn't actually know what airline we were taking back since the tickets were booked for us by a friend and the name of the company was not printed on the tickets. All we had to go by was a flight number.

Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the booze and fatigue, but as we waited in line to check in at the Guangzhou airport, we started to muse and about this mysterious airline. We dubbed it "Crazy Mike's Discount Air" and we were soon imagining all kinds of ridiculous scenarios.

Pete the Pilot: (prior to take off, walking through the cabin, wearing a pilot's cap and a T-shirt) Hey does anybody here know how to hot wire a car... or, you know... a plane?

Passenger: (during flight knocking on cockpit door) Ah excuse me, but I noticed out the left window that the landing gear just fell off.

Pete the Pilot: (visibly disinterested) Yeah... look I'm kinda busy right now. Unless it's something reeeally urgent, I would prefer you stay back behind this yellow line (pointing to the floor) and try not to distract me. I've got enough to deal with right now. This gauge isn't working, the steering wheel keeps sticking and I can't find my parachute. But hey, since you're here, take a look out the window... do those street lights down there look like Beijing?

As it turned out, the flight was fairly pleasant, despite my overwhelming fatigue. The plane was old - it still had cigarette trays in the arm rests, but it was well maintained. The crew was friendly, professional and well-dressed, though I decided to avoid the bun that was waved at me as the in-flight meal.

The real surprise - and it was a nasty one - came shortly after landing. Allow me to sketch a quick image of Nan Yuan: four planes (including ours), one very small terminal, one bathroom, one luggage carousel. Walking from entrance to exit takes about 13 seconds. As we disembarked the plane just after midnight, we walked across the tarmac in the rain, (no bus) and into a terminal that looked more like a garage (I could have sworn I heard something moo along the way). We hoped there would be taxis waiting outside the opposite door. There were, but our relief was premature. Although there were two dozen drivers waiting dutifully next to their cars, something was not right. After getting into a cab, we were informed by the driver that his meter was not working. We promptly got out, but soon realized none of the meters in any of the cars were working (re: turned off). We had walked straight into an illegal taxi nightmare. Within moments, a dozen drivers had surrounded us yelling that they would take us into town for a mere 120 kuai. We felt like two sheep that took a wrong turn and walked into a wolf convention. Then we noticed a bus waiting nearby that was taking travelers to Xidan - for free. We fought our way through the gauntlet of ravenous cabbies who did everything they could to prevent us from getting on the bus. Once the bus got rolling, I peered out the window and for several blocks continued to see illegal cabs swarming around the streets of this district.

As a resident of Beijing for almost four years now, this is just another day in the capital as far as I'm concerned. But the incident got me thinking about what kinds of experiences are in store for the legions of foreign travelers that will visit Beijing over the next several months. The government has been thumping its chest over the brand new Terminal 3 at Beijing's Capital Airport. I was there and it is impressive and world class - at least the building is. The service, from my experience, is another story. For frequent travelers who are used to airport employees speaking English and smiling occasionally, it might be a bit of a letdown. Shiny new buildings are one thing, but if the weary traveler gets poor service, I can guarantee that is all they are going to remember from their airport experience.

Of course, the vast majority of first-time travelers to Beijing will be entering the city through the Capital airport and not the one we had the misfortune of landing at the other night. I've had plenty of experiences with illegal cabs in Beijing. What's surprising is that they are still so prevalent on the streets of the capital four months away from the big dance. The summer Olympics in Beijing is all about image for China and if the authorities don't feel compelled to clean up street level scams like this soon, plenty of foreign travelers are going to be taken for a ride - and there will be lots more stories like this one.

Probably worse than anything that could happen aboard Crazy Mike's.

Hugh Jorgen works in Chinese state-run media. Zhongnanhai welcomes submissions at cam@zhongnanhaiblog.com.

I've thought to myself in the past that I'd rather eat sand than watch a Chinese government news conference. Well... thanks to today's sandstorm and the end of the NPC session, both have become a disturbing reality.

Beijing's proximity to the Gobi Desert aside, what's really got my dander up today isn't the fact that Premier Wen Jiabao spewed a boatload of nothing for an hour to the foreign media news conference...it was the phraseology that this government has adopted when it comes to the situation with the Tibetans, and in particular with their spiritual leader. The Dalai Lama's supporters have now become a 'clique.'

Unlike many of my fellow Westerners, I have very little interest in the Tibetan independence movement. Call it apathy if you will, or perhaps a lack of understanding, but I've become somewhat jaded by the fact that many a self-righteous wanker has jumped onboard the Tibetan cause because it seems like the cool thing to do. I don't begrudge the Tibetans for doing what they think they need to do. Give'r. But don't start preaching to me about the right to freedom and all this other kind of crap because you watched Richard Gere on Barbara Walters and thought that he made a lot of sense and you really, really liked him in "Pretty Woman." But what I find more highly condescending is the Chinese government's coining of the 'Dalai clique.' I'm sorry...what??? Spiritual Buddhists who are shooting for their autonomy aren't a bunch of 8th graders sitting around at the mall trying to conjure up theories as to how they're going to get someone to pick them up a 12 pack of Schlitz. Call them rebels, traitors, malcontents or whatever. But don't equate these people - the same people you're claiming to want to help - to a high school 'posse' who want to chill in their 'crib.'

I've seen the Dalai Lama speak in person. I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, if it turns out there is a god, he/she probably has me on the pious version of the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List. However, watching him speak, at the time side by side with the Bishop Desmond Tutu in a stadium in Vancouver, I couldn't help but be impressed with the ease in which he cavorted with his religious counterpart and avoided the temptation someone in his position might have had to politicize his speech, instead talking about how love for one's fellow human being is going to be the key to world peace. I found what he said simple, yet profound in its simplicity. I left the event (which I was covering for work) with a new found respect for a man I really had little knowledge about. So, when the Chinese government starts throwing around juvenile, school yard language to describe those who have respect for the Dalai Lama, I can't help but be personally offended. If I ever happen to cross paths with the spin doctor who coined this distinction, I would have two words: Grow up.

I flew back to Beijing from Dalian today, impressed by the city (which, according to the in-flight map, is actually slightly south of Beijing) and the wonderful people I met there. Never in my travels have I been invited to more meals, hung out with more people, or made more friends in such a short period of time. The whole experience left me somewhat ebullient upon my return.

But alas, even when strongly holding onto a positive attitude, somehow the capital finds a way to wrest it from me.

The scene was the Beijing Saida Airline and Train Ticket Office (No. 11-2 Gongrentiyuchang Beilu - across from Hooters - 6413-2381 or 6413-2382 - email: FanSongLei@hotmail.com). I make frequent visits to this particular ticket outlet, as I often have to catch the train to Tianjin. And before I begin my diatribe, must say that the service has mostly been professional.

Until tonight.

I entered the office around 9pm with my girlfriend. We stood in front of the metal bars and peered down at the two customer service representatives sitting at the two service windows. My girlfriend and I stood there as they intently stared at their respective monitors, with the younger guy on the left continually tapping the spacebar and peering into his colleague's computer screen.

After about 30 seconds went by, I asked them for a ticket to Tianjin, mingzao. "Shao deng yi xia," came the reply. My girlfriend said something was wrong with their computers. So we waited.

Another man walked into the office and stood behind us line. The situation seemed fishy to me and my girlfriend, and we got inklings they were playing video games. The young, slender man on the left cotinued pounding away on his spacebar as we stood silently waiting for service.

"Are you guys playing video games?" asked my girlfriend. "No," they said. Just problems with the computer. I didn't buy it.

I walked down the small corridor and around the corner. I opened the door to their office so I could see their screens. Sure enough, both were playing a shoot-em-up game. They were furious that I had the gall to walk into the office to see for myself.

I walked back to the front counter, where I notified the other customer what they were doing. He sighed and had a mild look of frustration on his face, but continued to just stand and wait (this reaction, in China, could be the subject of a very long psych paper). So did we. There was nothing else we could do.

The customer service reps (and I can't think of a title more unsuitable) continued to play their games, pounding on the space bar and other keys with a look of intense concentration on their faces. They were now openly showing their contempt for us. Three minutes had past, and another customer walked into the store.

Now there were four of us waiting in line to buy train tickets, and the two guys behind the counter couldn't bother stopping, or even pausing, their obviously extremely important game.

The good news is they halted not long after the fourth customer entered the room, and preceded to take his order for tickets first. Then they served the man who was previously standing behind us, clearly punishing us for daring to ask two train ticket sales people to sell us train tickets (and daring to find out they were lying to us when they said they "weren't" playing video games).

They weren't happy when I whipped out my feeble mobile phone camera to snap headshots. Two were sitting at the two windows, while a third man came and went and seemed to spur them into action. All three of their photos are below.

This story doesn't do what we witnessed justice. On our walk home from the sales office, my girlfriend mentioned that we should've had a video done of what occurred, complete with me going into their office to see their screens.

Needless to say, Beijing isn't known for its customer service. There are hundreds - even thousands - of stories just like this one. I don't usually write about these anymore, mainly because they are common and just part of choosing to live in China. But this one seemed to take the contempt and blatant disregard of the public to a much higher degree.

There will be those who link issues like this to the upcoming Olympics. Fortunately, I have a feeling Beijing will be on its best behaviour during those two weeks in August, and people will leave here cooing over how friendly and helpful Beijingers are. And to be truthful and fair, most of them are. But far too many people who work in the customer service industry not only aren't good at their craft, they simply don't care. Bad customer service is one thing, but giving bad customer service and not giving a shit about it, or you, is another.

The fact that an event like this can happen in 2008 in Beijing (or anywhere, for that matter) astonishes me. It shouldn't - I know better. But it still does. And I wonder when I'll finally just get used to it.

OK...it's time to let this go people! I have, for basically the last couple of weeks, been hearing and reading way too much about Edison Chen's foray into the wild side. I'm no prude...but I'm not quite at the point in my life where I'm ready to break out the 8mm and bust out a Pam and Tommy Lee. But that said, I think the hype about this kid's sex life is getting to the extreme. Prime example is this weekend in Hong Kong. Fiona Sit Hoi-Kei, one of the women apparently in his videos (I say apparently, because A) I have no idea who the hell she is and B) even if I did, I wouldn't have been able to pick her out in the pictures anyway, unless I was intimate with her particular shaving practices, or lack thereof) was drilled in the head with a bottle at a charity event this weekend in Hong Kong. A charity event! I know that the Chinese people hold a different standard when it comes to sex, particularly in the public arena. Certian things in this culture remain a lot more taboo than they would in the West. But seriously, assaulting a young woman because she allowed herself to get her mojo flowin' in front of a camera??? I know we maintain different standards, but -- unless you're a terrorist or other form of extremest -- humanity holds a pretty good standard when it comes to unleashing physical violence. Hate this woman if you want, (which I think too is completely absurd) but don't fling objects at these people because they had sex. I would love to talk to the alleged assailant (described only in the SCMP as a 27 year old Mr. Lin) and find out if he has ever had non-missionary style sex. If so, according to the strictest of the strict Catholics, he's engaging in a moral sin, and should be punished. (And the hard-core Catholics know how to dole out a good lashing!)

Those who know me know that I'm no fan of anything star-esque. I find the narcissim of the people repugnant. But I find the whole idea of star worship by the average person even more disturbing. Anyone who has enough time on their hands to care, in depth, about the coming's and going's of the Lindsay Lohans, Brittany Spears or Edison Chens of the world is someone who really, really doesn't have a grasp on where their priorities should be. And quite frankly, I thought the people of Hong Kong were better than that!

It truly aggravates me when I see guys like Steven Spielberg waxing on about how he finds it his moral duty to help the people of Darfur by pulling out of the Olympics. It is pure, sanctimonious crap! I have no doubt that Mr. Spielberg is a very intelligent man. Having seen many of his films, I can tell that there is something special about this man's ability to make a movie. And that's the point. If he really wants to help the people of Darfur, he should making a movie about the genocide that's taking place there, and giving people insight about the wrongs that are taking place in that region of Sudan. I'm tired of guys like Spielberg, Mia Farrow and Bono sitting on their high horses and quarterbacking some kind of political grass-roots action against the flavor-of-the-month cause. If you really want to make a political difference, do like Reagan and Schwartzenegger did, which is actually put yourself up for election so you can actually enact political change, rather pulling half-baked PR stunts like pulling out of the Olympics, which isn't going to effect the overall look of the Games here in Beijing this summer, and quite frankly, isn't going to make one lick of difference when it comes to getting China onboard the Darfur situation more than it is already.

Don't get me wrong. I do sometimes enjoy when this government is given a poke in the eye, like, for example, when the WTO rules that it was completely off base in its auto parts dispute with the United States, Canada and the European Union. But I could give a tinker's damn about Spielberg's involvement in the Olympics, and I don't think anyone else outside of a few self-righteous activists and the media care much either. And don't think for a minute that Mr. Spielberg made this move out of any true moral decision. He is basically hedging his bets. He realizes that if he goes ahead with his efforts in Beijing this summer, the same people who have rushed to applaud his decision to pull out would likely have turned on him and put pressure on people in the United States and elsewhere to boycott his films. And, unfortunately, these same zealots have much more influence over the mass of undereducated Americans then the people they elect to lead them.

So good luck trying to get one of your films screened in China anytime soon Mr. Spielberg! Oh, and for the record, I do believe that China should be doing more to stop the genocide in Darfur, and it will take politicians to make that happen!

China's at WAR!

PLA soldiers numbering in the tens of thousands are now on the move. China's defacto 2nd in command, Premier Wen Jiabao, is out rallying the people. The CPC youth league is now being mobilized and pleas are going out to the public to provide financial support.

Now, if you were to read the statement above out of context, of course you might assume that either the CPC finally said 'screw it,' and started lobbing missiles at Taiwan or that some unruly ethnics started another Taiping. But instead, China now has a new enemy that can be mortally wounded by a strong stream of pee!

As far as Xinhua is concerned, China has declared war on snow. Well, actually, it's declared war against the disasters caused by the heavy snow and rain that has hit southeastern China.

Having worked in state-run media here in China for over the last two years, I've stopped banging my head against the wall trying to change the way my Chinese colleagues write their news. I swear, some of these kids come into the job as halfway decent writers. But once they toss them into commie school (AKA, the work environment), any sense of prose that they once had is slowly drained out of them like the fat from a Rosie O'Donnell liposuction. Don't get me wrong, I have tonnes of respect for guys like my friend and contemporary Edwin Maher who take time to try to coach the aspiring journalists to become better broadcasters. Hell, I was a broadcasting instructor before moving here to China myself. But at this point I have just given up hope. And reading the latest Xinhua story about the relief efforts in the southeast has just simply confirmed my apathy.

As a Canadian living in China, I can say, with some certainty on behalf of my fellow Zhongnanhaiers Cam and Chris - also Canadians - that we apologize in advance to the people of Beijing and, potentially, the world!

Say what you will about our native country, but we do have a pretty good history of world exports when it comes to people. Here in China, of course, Mark Rowswell, AKA: Dashan and Dr. Norman Bethune are well known Canadians. Comedic movie stars including Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Dan Akroyd and the late John Candy also hold distinction as being native Canadians. And even in the modern music world we've managed to pump out a few bright spots, including Alanis Morissette, Brian Adams and Avril Lavigne to name just a few. But also included in this last list of Canadian musical exports is, unfortunately, an artist whose work I have come to despise over the years: Celine Dion.

The warbling songstress from the province of Quebec has inundated Canadian radio for over 20 years...forced down our throats because of outdated Canadian content rules. As such, we as Canadians have been forced to live with this woman for far too long. One of the greatest days of my life was when she announced that she was going to be playing Vegas. This meant that there was very little chance any new music from her would be making it onto CD's or downloads during that time! But now, news from afar has jolted my sensibilities. Ms. Dion will be here in Beijing in April, and is taking a crack at leaving her stink on the upcoming Olympics.

To quote a fellow broadcaster from May 6th, 1937: "Oh, the humanity!"

Today being American Thanksgiving (2007 edition), I figured I'd drag out an old rant that I wrote two years ago during my first time here in China during the US holiday. I want to preface this post by saying that in no way do I hold any malice toward Americans (or Quebecois). I simply wrote this for the limited comedy value it provides:

OK...I'll try to keep this entry short, as I've been accused - and rightfully so - of drooling on like Cujo after eating a bar of soap. So today, being November 24th, (23rd for some folks back home as I'm writing this) it's American Thanksgiving. I stress the word AMERICAN. All of the Chinese staff, and even some of the laowai here at work, have been coming up to me all day long, and wishing me 'happy Thanksgiving.' That's fine. I appreciate the fact that they've taken the time to care. But, unfortunately, being over here, no one really knows that the United States and Canada have separate Thanksgiving holidays. So, just to help out my good friends here in China, I'm going to draw up a short list of the differences between Canadians and Americans when it comes to our holidays...just so there's no further confusion.

1. We, as Canadians, don't consider deep-frying a turkey a holiday tradition. Seriously, if you were to deep-fry a tire, I'm sure there would be a few Americans considering digging in!

2. Our Thanksgiving holiday is not based on giving pox-filled blankets to unwitting natives. We just got ours drunk.

3. Our national day holiday is July 1st, not July 4th. We didn't bother fighting the British for our independence. We just pissed and moaned about it until the Queen got sick of listening to us!

4. Christmas in Canada is shared on the same day as it is throughout the entire world. But, of course, the actual North Pole being in Canada gives us dibs on the premium gifts that fat bastard and his reindeer have to offer!

5. We don't have holidays to honor our dead leaders. In Canada, our Prime Ministers just settle into obscurity after misappropriating federal tax dollars.

6. We don't have an Arbor Day. Seriously, what the hell is that anyway?

7. Martin Luther King is someone to be honored. Who the hell do we have? Rene Lesveque. I don't effin' think so!

8. Speaking of Quebec, they have their own separate holidays. But no one outside of Quebec really gives a crap about what Quebec does at this point anyway!

9. Easter is celebrated in Canada. But we try to limit our intake of chocolate bunnies to less than two pounds over the holiday duration, unlike our hefty neighbors to the south.

10. And yes, we do celebrate New Year's. And to be quite honest, Peter Mansbridge doing the countdown on the CBC is about as exciting as watching paint dry at an insurance seminar. Dick Clark - who I'm convinced is Disney animatronics at this point - is no screamin' hell either. But I still have to tip my hat to the Yanks on this one!

It's so cliche for foreigners to complain about life in China. In fact, a whole website has been set up for this very purpose.

When I first arrived, I had my fair share of gripes: the spitting, the pollution, the failure to grasp the efficiency of forming a queue; but now I just feel lucky to be here and have accepted these as parts of the essential Chinese experience.

But there's one thing I simply won't accept: the banking system.

On Saturday, I had the misfortune of misplacing (read: carelessly losing) my Merchant's Bank card. I assume it was Saturday, because that's the last time I used it -- around 11:30am, to be exact. I withdrew RMB 500. I went and dropped off my dry cleaning and paid for that, then checked out the new Cafe St. Laurent at Alfa, which was fantastic (and swallowed up much of that withdrawal).

It wasn't until the next day, when a friend asked me to go for a beer, that I realized my bank card was missing. The general dread and fear washed over me, with questions rushing through my head: Did I lose it? Did I forget it at home? Is it in my other pants? Did somebody steal it? I haven't changed my work-issued PIN number yet, which is 666666, so has someone guessed it and stolen my life savings?

I skipped the beer and headed home to frantically search for the card, to no avail. My girlfriend called Merchant's Bank and explained the situation. They said they would cancel the card and freeze the funds, and confirmed no other withdrawals had been made since Saturday. Whew.

Fast forward to today, Monday afternoon, when I head into the bank to make an actual withdrawal. I'm down to my last 30 kuai, so me and a Chinese colleague walked to Merchant's bank with my passport in hand. We sat down and were told to present my identification to certify the freezing of funds. I showed my passport and filled out paperwork and everything was great. Then I asked to withdraw 1000 RMB. "No can do," the woman said (to the best of my memory, which is a little fuzzy). You see, they had verified my identity enough to freeze the funds, but not enough to actually give me any of my money. So, I was told, my funds would be frozen for a week, and I could visit the bank next Monday for my new card and any cash I might need.

A week without access to my primary Chinese bank obviously doesn't sit well. But then I got the real kick in the groin. They want 10 kuai to process the transaction. Not a big deal, right? Well, I had 30 kuai on me at the time, and didn't want to part with 1/3 of my current cash flow. Take it out of my account, I told them. "No can do," she seemed to say again. They need 10 kuai -- now -- from me.

At that point, I almost began to laugh. Here is the bank, with all my money in there, and they refuse to give it to me. Then they ask me for some money. I'd give them money, if they'd give me my money first. Make sense? Well, not to Merchant's Bank. And they didn't find it funny, either.

I am not a Eurocentrist, and I understand that things are different in China. But surely there is a more efficient way of handling this situation. If you lose a bank card in Canada or the United States, you pop into a branch, and they'll give you a new one in five minutes. Here, it takes a week, and they can't even deduct cash to pay the service charge to get you a new card! If only somebody could understand how absurd this all is.

Anyway, I'll be broke for the next week. Which, I guess, means I can't afford to go to Hooters.

One of my good friends wrote this article... most likely having a "bad China day"... (we've all had them, right?). Anyway, he is a media personality in China and asked that his name be withheld. But he wanted his work published somewhere, and here it is.

I learned my lesson last year. I missed out on the latest craze to sweep China - the 'peaceful rise'. I should have acted sooner. It was all over the news for months. Every time an official opened his mouth, the words "peaceful rise" came spilling out like commuters from a Beijing subway car at rush hour. The peaceful rise was everywhere, and everyone wanted it. It was government endorsed, and the whole world was buying into it. The entire developed world wanted China's peaceful rise. They were reassured by its double-digit increase in military spending and safe in the knowledge that the Qinghai-Tibet Railway was making tracks straight across the roof of the world. Yak herders are now getting harmony by the train-load. Anything standing in the way of its peaceful rise, like an evil weather satellite, was quickly eliminated. I could have made a killing on China's peaceful rise. This year things are going to be different. This year I'm going to open up a sidewalk stand on a busy Beijing street corner and I'm going to start selling this year's hot ticket - harmony. "Harmonious Society", in case you've been hibernating in a Ming Dynasty tomb lately, is this year's officially endorsed new craze. It's sweeping the nation and I'm going to get me a piece of the action. I'm going to sell harmony any way I can get it. I'll sell it in bottles, boxes, tubes and tablet form. If I could sell lemonade at 5 cents a glass when I was a runny-nosed 5-year-old, I can sure as hell sell harmony at 10 kuai a pop! Harmony is going to make me rich.

Successful entrepreneurs all have one thing in common. They are able to glimpse into the future by predicting a new need among consumers and then being the first to fill that need.

Random House defines harmony as, "a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts".
Ha! They might as well be talking about a Chinese train station during Spring Festival as far as I'm concerned.

It should be easy to find harmony. I see it every time I walk out my front door. The other day I decided to go look for some harmony in my local bank. But after waiting in line for 2 ½ hours to speak with the friendly bank teller, I had completely forgotten why I went there in the first place. Not a total loss though. Those Tom & Jerry cartoons are hilarious.

I thought about trying to extract some harmony from the earth, but I've noticed that every time 100 Chinese miners head into a mine shaft, only about 50 of them come out. Harmony is great to have, but getting it can be dangerous.

I accidentally bumped into a woman on the street a while ago. (Probably my fault - I should have been walking backward as well) I was about to ask if she knew where I could find some harmony, but I suddenly detected that she was leaning to one side. Then I noticed the mobile phone in her left hand had about 35 toys dangling from it. I decided to move on.

Later, someone else stopped me on the sidewalk and told me that I could get some harmony just across the street. But by the time I dodged the gridlocked traffic, sidestepped the spit, and accepted a few coins from a scruffy old man offering me money from his tin cup, the harmony had vanished. Perhaps it was still there and I just couldn't see it because of the eerie orange veil of carbon dioxide being swept around by the Mongolian dust storm. (Sorry, I mean 'fog')

Eventually I did end up finding some harmony in, of all places, the Beijing West train station during Spring Festival. But before I could grab it, I found myself swept into a mass of humanity that pushed me forward like a bunch of customers at the Silk Market scrambling to get their hands on the last bag of fish-flavored candy. In an instant, I found myself crammed into a passenger car heading for a 36 hour journey to the outer reaches of the harmonious kingdom. None of the other 683 passengers in my particular car had a chance to pick up any harmony before they left the train station either.

Despite these minor setbacks, I'm convinced my quest for harmony is not in vain. The world is being assured that there is plenty of harmony in this society, and when I do find it I'm going to sell it - lots of it.

I'm already looking ahead to next year's big potential craze. The business plan is still being finalized and I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say it's got something to do with having 'strategic dialogue to strengthen common development, deepen exchanges and expand mutual trust in an all round way'. As the old saying goes, "When life gives you lemons..."